


Pour One Out

by charmedward



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Grieving, Healing, M/M, Missing Scenes, Percy and Keyleth supporting each other, Spoilers for episode 64, could be read as Vex / Pike, death mention, ignores Vax / Keyleth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-09 21:10:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7817329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charmedward/pseuds/charmedward
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Percy stares into the flames and takes a moment to relive a memory of Tiberius breathing fire. Later he’ll grieve in his own way, going back over months of memories and recalling past jokes with the dragonborn. For now, he puts it aside.</p>
<p>--<br/>Vox Machina grieves and Percy learns to forgive himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Vax

_“I would never intentionally hurt anyone, especially not you.”_

Percy’s words echo in Vax’s memory even as he tries to focus on something, anything, else. It’s only been a day since their tender conversation, only a few hours since Draconia, but Vax can’t pull himself away from replaying that moment. He thinks about how Percy had looked him straight in the eye and said _“I don’t want to die the man that I am.”_ He thinks about his honesty, his desire to be mistrusted and how patient and understanding of Vax he was being. It twists something deep in Vax’s gut that Percy could be so understanding and Vax- 

Vax can never hold back. Not when it comes to Vex; not when it’s the person he loves most in this world. 

His eyes open and he takes in the dim interior of the Raven Queen’s new temple. Sticks of incense burn in bowls around him, the sweet smell already familiar enough to invoke mental images of the cathedral in Vasselheim. A smell that now, thanks to his decorative cloak clasp, reminds him of Percy. It always comes back to Percy.

“You know, if you were Sarenrae,” Vax says, “I’d be asking for your guidance on this. I know she’s all about second chances and… redemption.”

Even as Vax says it, he winces. His words make Percy sound like an enemy they’d fight. Redemption? That’s hardly what Percy needs.

“It’s been about a month now, Feywild included, and I don’t know how to go on from here. I don’t know how to be his friend anymore.”

Vax stops and sucks in a breath. He tries to ground himself, running his fingers over the roughly hewn stone that covers the floor. 

“One of our own is dead. He lies in the ruins of his fallen city and all I can think about is… I haven’t forgiven him. Vex’ahlia has. Vex’ahlia _could_. But I’m… afraid of what will happen if I do.”

It hits him in much the same way that Tiberius’ death hit him; suddenly, jarringly. He hasn’t been unable to forgive Percy because he’s _mad_ at him. He’s been unable because…

“I don’t know how to guard my heart.”

The whispered confession seems too loud in the quiet of the crypt. It feels too loud, deep in Vax’s chest. For a moment, but not for the first time, Vax wishes he could regain his friendship with Percy without feeling as though he’s betraying his sister. He wishes they could put this behind them completely and that he could trust him again.

_“Do you trust me?”_ Percy had asked.

Vax may not have said yes, but he walked into the crypt. He may not have said yes, but he followed Percy towards the most obvious death metaphor he’d ever seen regardless. He’d do it again. There’s no question. 

Someone he cared about was lost today. An entire person vanished from his life. What would he have done if it was Percy they’d had to bury today? How could he live with himself, allowing Percy to go to his death thinking Vax hasn’t forgiven him?

A cold draft blows in from a gap under the crypt door and the hairs on Vax’s neck rise. The incense sticks flicker and go out.

In the darkness Vax whispers: _“Light.”_


	2. Percy

Percy has wandered his ancestral home many times; often aimlessly, often when sitting down will make him feel worse. He walks the castle now. 

It’s past dusk and Vox Machina has retired to their own parts of the castle to recover and collect themselves after the day’s events. Percy doesn’t know where most of them are, but he knows they have the earrings if anyone needs company. He’s actually working his way over to the smaller library on the first floor where he knows Keyleth is. 

Last he’d seen her; she’d been trying to light a fire. In her grieving state she had forgotten about her fire hands and was fumbling with a match. Percy had gently assisted her before excusing himself and ducking out of the room. Now, cold and sore, he heads back.

“Percy.”

Vex’s greeting turns his head and he sees he fall into step with him, her eyes not quite finding his own. The Raven’s Slumber rolls from left to right over Vex’s armour with the momentum of her walking, Trinket probably watching from inside.

“If you like, I’m going to the library-”

“I’m looking for Pike.” Vex cuts him off. “Someone needs to tell her.”

Percy nods in understanding and allows her to speed up until she rounds a corner and is gone. All she leaves behind is a sinking feeling in Percy’s chest. 

At the door to the library Percy can hear the soft crackle of a steady fire. As he enters the room he has to blink and wake himself up a little, his pulse flaring as his eyes deceive him. Curled up in his mother’s favourite spot on the chaise lounge is Keyleth, knitted blanket covering her lower half and a worn book in hand. Her mother’s headpiece rests on the carpet below her. She looks up.

“Hey Percy.” Tearstains coat her cheeks and her voice wobbles, but Keyleth offers him a small smile.

“Are you-” he stops himself. Stupid question. “For a moment there, you looked like my mother.”

Keyleth’s smile flickers a little. “Yeah?”

“She was a beautiful woman, just like you. I don’t think I ever saw her cry, though.”

The smile disappears completely. Keyleth seems to retreat into the throw cushions behind her, her small form blending in with the oranges of the fabric. One hand reaches up and rubs uselessly at her face.

“It’s all right if-” Percy begins.

“No! It’s not all right!” Keyleth says. “It’s not all right, Percy. And I don’t want to talk about it like it is. I don’t want to talk about it at all.” 

Percy can’t help but feel a little thrown by that. He stares blankly, barely remembering to close his mouth as he processes. Keyleth, the young woman who wears her heart on her sleeve, touching it to everyone she meets, doesn’t want to confront her pain for once. She’s shaking, he notices. Shaking even by the fire, even under the blanket one of his siblings made a lifetime ago. One hand runs through her hair and Percy glances down at her mother’s headpiece on the floor. He wonders if Keyleth grieved like this when she realized her mother wasn’t coming back.

“Can I stay?” he asks instead.

He doesn’t get a verbal response. Keyleth simply tucks her feet up under her and moves the blanket to make space for Percy. He takes off his coat and drapes it over the nearest surface before joining her. As soon as he’s sat, Keyleth throws a side of the blanket over his knees. He bumps her shoulder lightly.

“Do you want to talk at all?”

This time Keyleth answers him. “I wouldn’t mind being distracted right now.”

She laughs weakly, as if to nullify the impact of her words. 

Percy stares into the flames and takes a moment to relive a memory of Tiberius breathing fire. Later he’ll grieve in his own way, going back over months of memories and recalling past jokes with the dragonborn. For now, he puts it aside.

“I think Vax and I are friends now.”

It’s the first thing that comes to mind. Percy doesn’t exactly blurt it out, but he says it without thinking and colour floods his cheeks, painting him as the idiot he is. To his relief, Keyleth seems genuinely glad for the topic change, her focus zeroed in on Percy and the book in her hands forgotten. 

“Did you guys talk? When?” She asks.

“Yesterday. In the crypt.” Keyleth pulls a face at that so he elaborates. “You remember how I was having it converted into a temple for the Raven Queen? Well I showed him and he appeared to find it agreeable.”

The fire crackles a little louder and Percy lets it fill the silence whilst he thinks. Keyleth, bless her, doesn’t interrupt.

After a moment he says, “He hasn’t forgiven me – and he doesn’t trust me – but I didn’t anticipate either of those things to happen. I’m okay with that. Frankly I’m amazed he was as nice as he was.”

Keyleth takes his hand above the blanket. She holds it for just a moment before letting go and tugging the blanket up a little.

“It’s been weeks, Percy. Vex forgave you in a heartbeat. If she can, so can Vax. And if he can forgive you, you can rebuild.”

“Can I?” It comes out sounding pathetic. 

Creamy skin wrinkles together in a frown on Keyleth’s forehead. She casts around for something to say, before her eyes lock on something in the distance and something in her head clicks. Once again, she meets his eye.

“You’re Percival de Rolo. You built a dragon trap in a ruined city with nothing but scrap metal and a few hours to spare. I’ve not yet seen you backed down from a challenge because it’s too great.” 

Warmth floods into Percy, doubled by the confident look on Keyleth’s face. She believes in what she’s saying. She believes in him.

“This feels different,” he confesses, “because it’s Vax.”

“And you love him.” Keyleth adds.

“And I love him.” Percy finishes.

An understanding passes over them both, the type of understanding that only those who are extraordinarily close can ever share. Something about this instils the tiniest amount of bravery in Percy. Not the everyday bravery that inspires action, but the kind that inspires belief. They look at each other and they know that they have each other’s back, no matter what tomorrow will bring.

Keyleth’s eyes aren’t as red as they were when Percy entered the library. She’s stopped shaking and even her unsteady voice is back to its usual timbre. That, at least, Percy has fixed.

A thought occurs to him.

“What was it you said to Vex? Don’t let anyone else define you?”

“Something like that.”

“Maybe it’s time I forgave myself. Maybe I owe that… to me.” As Percy finishes voicing the thought he expects to feel a pang of guilt, or a spark of self-loathing. Instead his chest relaxes. He takes a shaky breath. 

Deep down he knows he isn’t fixed, knows there are still sleepless nights ahead, but this is the first time he’s allowed himself to consider forgiveness at his own hands. And if he isn’t worth that forgiveness, if it ever feels too easy, he’ll do what he can to live up to the person he wishes he was. He’ll learn to love himself again, just as he once did as a child. He can be the man he told Vax about – the man he’d be happy to die as. This isn’t over yet. His time isn’t up yet. 

For now though, he pulls Keyleth into a hug and tries to convey in that action just how grateful he is for her. This family that crashed into his life and spirited him away changed many things, including how he sees himself. The love he feels for each of them is almost painful.

A cry rises up in the distance. It’s faint and wailing, but all too familiar. Somewhere in the castle, Vex has found Pike. Somewhere, a heart breaks.

Keyleth holds Percy tighter and they live, they live, they live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It felt good to work through this. I was never a Tiberius fan, but there's no denying he was important to Vox Machina. This one is for him.
> 
> Thanks for reading. 
> 
> Find me on tumblr at actualkatebishop.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> I knew I wanted to write something for this episode as soon as Vax and Percy had their talk. This chapter is just to lead us into what's going on in Vax's head before we skip over to Percy.


End file.
